These are, of course, highly intelligent men, so it would go without saything that their restroom hygiene is obvioulsy without reproach, even though the names Hancock, Cummings (and Boris Johnson with his BJ initials,) may give rise to unfair suspicions.
First it was Prime Minister Boris Johnson. Then, of all people Health Secretary Matt Hancock. Then Chief Medical Officer of England, Prof Chris Whitty. Now, Boris Johnson’s Chief Advisor Dominic Cummings, who was last seen running from Downing Street the other Friday, no doubt engaged in a heroic mission to save the country.
All of them have tested positive for Coronavirus. Covid-19. Novel Coronavirus.
And what could it be that has arrived us to a point where the UK Government is dropping out of a society that now does exist, to self isolate?
These are, of course, highly intelligent men, so it would go without saything that their restroom hygiene is obvioulsy without reproach, even though the names Hancock, Cummings (and Boris Johnson with his BJ initials,) may give rise to unfair suspicions. They certainly aren’t stupid enough to transgress social distancing etiquette, so what is the one variable left that can’t be easily measured in the scenario?
You’ve guessed it, they’ve been failing to sing Happy Birthday the required two times whilst cleaning their mitts. Thats’s right, after repeating their own advice to sing the ditty adnauseum, our lords and masters have allegedly, according to sources, only been singing Happy Birthday once in their heads, if at all, whilst washing their meat pumpers.
Here’s a handy guide to the current Conservative Party leadership candidates that have used drugs and their hypocritical and in some cases laughably pathetic excuses for doing so
After a lifetime of telling us drugs are bad and sending hundreds of thousands of drug users to prison, it turns out that the upper echelons of the Conservative party have somewhat of a penchant for illegal mind altering substances.
Yes, that’s right, the very people who have tasked themselves with a losing drug war battle that sees young children being forced into county lines gangs to supply illicit substances to middle Englanders in the shires, turn out to be the middle Englanders in the shires who have been taking the drugs themselves.
Whoever would have thought that the morally upstanding, stiff upper lip, leaders of the Conservative Party would have been smoking and snorting the substances that they’ve been warning us ruin lives, themselves.
Here’s a handy guide to the current Conservative Party leadership candidates that have used drugs and their hypocritical and in some cases laughably pathetic excuses for doing so…..
Michael Gove, Drug User: Cocaine
Michael Gove’s (Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs of the United Kingdom and Conservative Party leadership candidate) admission that he took cocaine on numerous occasions back in the nineties was the flame that lit the blue touch paper of the latest Conservative drug scandal.
Gove said of his experience to The Daily Mail:
“I took drugs on several occasions at social events more than 20 years ago,” he told the Daily Mail. “At the time I was a young journalist. It was a mistake. I look back and I think, I wish I hadn’t done that.”
Dominic Raab, Drug User: Cannabis
Dominic Raab (served as Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union from 9 July to 15 November 2018 and current Conservative Party leadership candidate) has admitted to smoking Cannabis whilst being a student, he said of his experience:
“It was a long time ago and pretty few and far between. I have never taken cocaine or any class-A drugs.”
Jeremy Hunt, Drug User (Cannabis)
Jeremy Hunt (Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs and Conservative Party Leadership Candidate) “thinks” he had a cannabis lassi whilst backpacking in India. His thoughts on taking the mind-altering substance were too boring to print.
Boris Johnson, Drug User (Cocaine and Cannabis)
Boris Johnson (former London Mayor and also former Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs – a position from which he was sacked for incompetence and Conservative Party leadership candidate) has admitted to taking cocaine and cannabis whilst at university. He expects us to believe that:
” it achieved no pharmacological, psychotropic or any other effect on me whatsoever”.
….and further still
“I think I was once given cocaine, but I sneezed and so it did not go up my nose. In fact, I may have been doing icing sugar.”
Andrea Leadsom, Drug User (Cannabis)
Andrea Leadsom (Leader of the House of Commons from 2017 to 2019 and Conservative Party leadership candidate) has admitted to smoking cannabis as a student, an experience about which she believes:
” Everyone is entitled to a private life before becoming an MP. “
…..and of course she threw in the old classic:
” I have never taken cocaine or class A drugs.”
Matt Hancock, Drug User (Cannabis)
Matt Hancock (Secretary of State for Health and Social Care and Conservative Party leadership candidate) “tried cannabis a few times as a student but has not taken any illicit drugs since.”
Rory Stewart, Drug User (Opium)
Rory Stewart (Secretary of State for International Development of the United Kingdom and Conservative Party Leadership Candidate) has to do everything differently it seems, Stewart said of his drug experience:
“I was invited into the house, the opium pipe was passed around at a wedding,” he said, adding that the family may have been so poor that they put very little opium into the pipe.”
…..so that means it was probably OK if he inhaled. Of course. Of course.